A NEW BELLA FOR EDWARD???

HOLLYWOOD SHAKEN AS

REAL EDWARD COMES FORTH,

DEMANDS NEW BELLA

The real Edward Cullen appeared yesterday demanding a new Bella Swan in the motion picture featuring his life as a vampire. “Kristen Stewart is simply too young and naïve for me,” says the real-life Cullen. “I want a woman closer to my own age of 110; a woman who is at least one World War closer to my actual date of birth. And definitely one who has been vaccinated against flu virus!”

Lorie Davis, a former unknown, has been chosen by the actual Edward Cullen to play his love interest opposite Robert Patterson in the motion Picture.

“I didn’t think she was still alive,” says author, Stephanie Meyer, “or I would certainly have suggested her for the role. She’s obviously perfect, being Edwards real first love.” Meyer has been secretly hiding her deep knowledge of the actual characters and story she has fictionalized in her best-selling vampire series.

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OK, Lorie wasn’t really chosen.

Her library simply had a poster with a cut-out into which a girl might place her face for a photo op. But Edward could do worse, being over a century old himself. Ms Davis has refused to comment on whether she could go for such an “older” gentleman than herself, however hunky looking he might be. Sources say her actual tastes run more to Jacob and his great chest muscles. However, she has been inoculated against swine flue.