I’m sure you’ve gotten the pass-along e-mail explaining that the fat, black, automatic key that unlocks your car or sets off the alarm can be activated from your bedroom in case you hear a burglar or similar invader fooling around your house at night. (Try and diagram THAT sentence!) (Oh, yeah – diagramming sentences was discontinued in 1914, so you don’t know how.) Or your key can activate your car alarm in a parking lot as you walk to your car in the dark – you dummy!
Unfortunately, this will not work for my dented 1995 Escort.
But I suppose I could keep the keys beside the bed, anyway, and throw them out the window at the burglar really hard. If I hit him exactly right, at super velocity and the correct angle, perhaps I could pierce his temple, blind one eye, or tempt him to pick up the keys and drive off with my car (“Thanks very much, Ma’am! That saved me a lot of trouble. Only, your car is actually worthless. Sorry. Still, I appreciate the thought. OH! You wanted me to unlock your front door and come in to rape you? Well, I could do THAT!)
Since my keys are on a long, retractable string (note the yellow, retractor, clip-on reel), maybe I could practice my bolo techniques, and fling the whole batch in such a way as to wrap the string around his neck and strangle him. Or maybe trip him. Or perhaps I could just open the window and scream a lot. But if I’m going to make noise, how’s about I make a really loud recording from Star Wars, and PLAY it out the window:
“LUKE! I AM YOUR FATHER!” (Nobody would want to mess with Darth Vader.)
Actually, I tried this (the auto-keys, not the Darth Vader recording) from Jennie’s bedroom with Jennie’s auto-lock car keys, and it didn’t work. Maybe you have to get up and aim the alarm button at the car through a house window. Good idea to check it out first. And, meanwhile, practice your bolo skills.
p.s. The very LOOKS of this car render it theft-proof.
p.p.s. Hmmmm... Jennie, does that dent in the front fender look familiar?
