I’m sure you’ve gotten the pass-along e-mail explaining that the fat, black, automatic key that unlocks your car or sets off the alarm can be activated from your bedroom in case you hear a burglar or similar invader fooling around your house at night. (Try and diagram THAT sentence!) (Oh, yeah – diagramming sentences was discontinued in 1914, so you don’t know how.) Or your key can activate your car alarm in a parking lot as you walk to your car in the dark – you dummy!
Unfortunately, this will not work for my dented 1995 Escort.
But I suppose I could keep the keys beside the bed, anyway, and throw them out the window at the burglar really hard. If I hit him exactly right, at super velocity and the correct angle, perhaps I could pierce his temple, blind one eye, or tempt him to pick up the keys and drive off with my car (“Thanks very much, Ma’am! That saved me a lot of trouble. Only, your car is actually worthless. Sorry. Still, I appreciate the thought. OH! You wanted me to unlock your front door and come in to rape you? Well, I could do THAT!)
Since my keys are on a long, retractable string (note the yellow, retractor, clip-on reel), maybe I could practice my bolo techniques, and fling the whole batch in such a way as to wrap the string around his neck and strangle him. Or maybe trip him. Or perhaps I could just open the window and scream a lot. But if I’m going to make noise, how’s about I make a really loud recording from Star Wars, and PLAY it out the window:
“LUKE! I AM YOUR FATHER!” (Nobody would want to mess with Darth Vader.)
Actually, I tried this (the auto-keys, not the Darth Vader recording) from Jennie’s bedroom with Jennie’s auto-lock car keys, and it didn’t work. Maybe you have to get up and aim the alarm button at the car through a house window. Good idea to check it out first. And, meanwhile, practice your bolo skills.
p.s. The very LOOKS of this car render it theft-proof.
p.p.s. Hmmmm... Jennie, does that dent in the front fender look familiar?
5 comments:
How does a nice car alarm for $50 sound? Then you won't have to throw anything!
Here is what they say:
Description:
Full Feature Security system with built in relay for Parking Light Flash, 1 Aux output, lock/unlock outputs, dual stage shock sensor, 6 tone siren, multi sensor input, Start Disable, Two - 3 button Random Code remotes.
You can find it here:
http://www.commandocaralarms.com/itemdetails.asp?ProductID=1188
Don
I needed a good laugh tonight and this certainly did it :)
I can't believe you ever bother to lock your car doors, let alone think up ways to prevent someone from stealing it. Trust me, NO ONE WANTS IT. :)
Yeah I think your pretty safe from the burglers taking your car. But hey practice that bolo method. LOL
I always took offense that people always wondered why I locked my 77 Buick. I know I certainly didn't want to find it gone...
Thought I'd pop over and check out your blog, since you're always so nice to leave comments on mine!
And whatever grief your kids give you for being you, they and their children are VERY lucky to have a grandma who knows, loves, and spends so much time and energy on THEM. I always love to see what gifts you are giving them, regardless of resources! Everybody wishes for an "Oma" like that!
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